The Aftermath
by Jingle For Goldfish
Summary: What should have happened following Edward's I'm-gonna-go-get-myself-killed-for-a-really-logica l-reason stunt in New Moon. Oneshot.


_Heyooo. Here's another in my series of "what should have happened" stories. It takes place toward the end of New Moon. Up until this point, Edward had already done a few things that I felt should have earned a reprimand from someone. It should come as no surprise, then, that when Edward gets off the plane after trying to kill himself and his parents have no more than a "Glad to have you back, son," I actually put the book down and rolled my eyes into the back of my head. Boy howdy, I thought, if my kid pulled something like that…_

_Not that I have a kid, but that's not the point. The point is, here's how this scene SHOULD have played out. If Ms. Meyer had thrown a little bit of retribution on Eddie every so often, I would have liked the series a little better. (I've already talked about my problems with Bella's character. This fic is for Edward.)_

_Sooooo yep. Enjoy.  
_

* * *

The Customs officials kept their eyes on Edward and Alice for a second longer than they did me, but we were all ushered through without a problem. Then, we were abruptly out of the terminal, and an energetic scene of reunited lovers and friends was there to greet us.

A woman in a crisp uniform and dark shades carried a sign reading, "Wachowski." As we passed her, I spotted the rest of the Cullens. They had distanced themselves, as usual, from the throng of warm-blooded humans and were sulking in a corner.

Alice ran a little too quickly (but I don't think anyone noticed) to Jasper, who immediately buried his face in hers. It made my heart feel like an orange in a juicer, and I had to look away. I realized I was still clutching Edward. It took every ounce of willpower I still possessed, but I forced myself to peel my fingers off of his arm. His family knew he had left me—they didn't need to see the pathetic leech I had become, clinging to him for the speck of blissful memory it brought. I had to retain _some_ dignity, after all.

Once Edward and I caught up, a lot of hugging commenced. Emmett grabbed Edward by the shoulders. "You're an idiot," he said. "Glad to have you back."

Emmett turned to me, then, and he smiled. I looked away. "Thanks," he said. "You really came through for us."

"Don't mention it."

Emmett paused. He put a heavy, marble-cold hand on my shoulder, and then he went to rejoin Rosalie, who was watching us icily.

Esme, meanwhile, had her hands on Edward's face and was murmuring softly. She gripped his shoulders, and then she buried her face in the crook of his neck. Edward sighed and put a hand on her back. What was the expression on his face? He didn't seem to understand Esme's distress. I could tell he was a hair away from rolling his eyes. I thought that was odd. I knew how close his family was. Didn't he think they might have been _worried_ for him?

Carlisle was beside Esme, now. He pulled her gently away. "Are you hurt?" he said to Edward.

Edward shook his head, but Carlisle started to check for injuries, anyway. He patted down Edward's arms, his chest, his back, but when his hands started to drift a little too far south, Edward jerked violently away.

"Carlisle," he said in an affronted voice. "I'm _fine_."

"I think I'll be the judge of that," said Carlisle.

"Can it wait until we get home, at least?" said Edward, and he glanced over his shoulder at the crowd of people still milling about.

Carlisle frowned. "No, Edward," he said. "We've been worried sick about you. I'd like to make sure…"  
He reached out again, and again Edward jumped back. _"No!"_ he said. "I'm _not hurt._ How many times do you want me to—?"

Carlisle grabbed his arm, breaking him off mid-sentence. A hush came over the Cullens, and I felt my own heart skip a beat. Carlisle had a no-nonsense look on his face that I couldn't remember ever having seen before.

"Edward," said Carlisle through gritted teeth. "Your family has been worried sick about you. Right now, I am only interested in convincing myself that you are one hundred percent unharmed. Will you please hold still for thirty seconds while I check for anything serious?"

Edward pursed his lips and nodded. I wondered if it had registered with him yet that he might be in trouble.

I didn't think so.

After a few moments, Carlisle straightened and held Edward at arm's length. "I'm glad you're safe," he said. Edward didn't answer.

The family started to move toward the parking garage. Esme put a hand on my back and propelled me along with them. "We'll take you home, sweetheart," she said. "You should get some rest. You must be exhausted."

"Not really," I said, but my half-glazed expression betrayed me.

Esme smiled. "You've been extremely brave," she said. "I can't thank you enough."

They kept _thanking_ me. Wasn't it my fault he had just tried to kill himself? "Don't thank me," I said. "I'm the reason he tried to—I'm the reason he went."

Esme paused. "No, you're not," she said. "You could never be. Edward heard something from Rosalie who heard something from Alice who had the shadow of a vision of something that wasn't even much evidence for anything in the first place."

"But if I hadn't been—!"

Behind me, I heard Emmett's voice. "Don't even think about blaming yourself," he said. "Edward is notorious for acting first and thinking never. Alice and Rosalie were only trying to help—it's Eddie's own damn fault for hearing the vaguest hint of a rumor and switching into Romeo mode."

Romeo…?

"And—Bella." Emmett glanced around. "I think I should… tell you something. Ed doesn't want me to, but…"

I saw Edward's head swivel around. He narrowed his eyes at Emmett, who sighed.

"Never mind," he said.

"Thanks," I said dryly.

Emmett's eyes went hazy—I recognized his expression. He was thinking very hard about something other than what he was about to say. Edward's attention left us.

"Later," said Emmett out of the corner of his mouth.

I rode with Edward. He kept one arm curled around me, which I took to mean he still felt guilty about letting me die—or almost die. It was so painfully comforting to feel his arm around me again that I let him leave it there. This might be the last chance I would ever have to feel him so close to me, and at that moment, I didn't care what Emmett or Rosalie in the front seats of the car thought about it. It occurred to me that they would be gone again, soon, anyway. I enjoyed the embrace and let myself drift off to sleep, in his arms one last time.

All too soon, someone was shaking me awake.

"Bella." It was Edward. "We're here."

I sat up quickly. "Oh," was all I could say. "Sorry."

My door opened, and Carlisle was standing there. He helped me out. "Are you all right?" he said. "I should have checked up on you and Alice at the airport… I'm sorry I didn't think of it."

"No," I said. "I'm fine." I looked around, puzzled. The scenery wasn't familiar—until I looked behind me and saw the Cullens' house rising out of the trees. I raised my eyebrows. "Here?" I said.

"I just want to make sure you're okay," Carlisle said. "For my own sake. Please, go ahead in."

Esme met me and corralled me toward the house. "It will only take a couple of minutes," she said. "Then we'll get you home."

I nodded. Truthfully, I was in no hurry to leave, despite my exhaustion. I wanted one last look at the house I used to hope would be mine one day.

Esme waited with me in the kitchen. When Carlisle came in, he looked weary, but he smiled. "From Alice's account, you should be just fine," he said, "but I'd like to take a look anyway, if you don't mind."

He took a minute to feel for injuries the way he had done with Edward. Then he sat me up and hugged me tightly. It surprised me, but I hugged him back.

"I'm so glad you're alright," he said. "Thank you for bringing our son back to us."

I only shook my head. I was too tired to argue.

"You need to get some sleep," he said, "but if you wouldn't mind, I'd like you to accompany me for another few minutes." The smile stayed, but his face was tight. "There is something I need to discuss with you."

I felt my heart sink. The others may have been fooled, but I knew the bond between Edward and Carlisle. I had endangered his first son. He had every right to be angry. I bowed my head and followed him into the living room.

Edward was sitting on the sofa, a scowl on his face. When he saw me, he appeared to soften, slightly—but that could just have been my imagination. The rest of the room was empty. I wondered vaguely where everyone had gotten to.

"Bella, if you will take a seat, please," said Carlisle, gesturing at an armchair. I did so, and he addressed both of us. "We have had a very confusing couple of nights," he started.

At that point, I leaned forward. "Carlisle, wait," I said.

He looked at me. "Yes?"

There was a lump in my throat that made it difficult to talk. "I want to… to apologize," I said. "I was an idiot to jump off that cliff. I wasn't trying to kill myself, and I shouldn't have been doing something so dangerous. I knew about Alice's visions… I should have… have guessed she might see." I looked at Edward. That is, I turned my head toward him, but my eyes were on his knees. "I'm sorry if you thought… if you thought… it was your fault," I said. "I must have made you feel so guilty, and… I'm sorry. I couldn't bear the thought of you dead, Edward, and I just had to go after you. I don't… I don't expect anything…" My voice got very quiet. "I don't want you to feel like… like you have to pretend. I know you don't… I know you're not in love with me." It was too difficult. I stopped talking and looked at the floor.

"So that's what you told her," said Carlisle. His normally gentle voice was as close to a growl as I had ever heard it.

Edward's shoulders were hunched defensively, and Carlisle drew himself up. He looked at me. His eyes burned with what could only be anger, and I shrank back automatically. "If you could just listen, for a moment, Bella," he said. "Edward has a few things he needs to say to you."

Edward shifted, looking concerned. "Carlisle… I don't think…"

Carlisle rounded on him. "Have you seen what this _strategy_ of yours has done to her?" he snapped. "Look at her, for God's sake, Edward. She's apologizing to you. You have her blaming _herself_ for everything that's happened, and I refuse to stand here and let her do that."

Edward looked down and mumbled something inaudible.

Carlisle pointed at me. "Tell _her_."

Their behavior was baffling to me. I looked from one to the other, trying to comprehend. Edward looked suddenly pained, and Carlisle had his arms folded. It was like Edward was a five-year-old who had pulled my hair on the playground, and Carlisle was making him apologize. I stared at Edward. "What?" I said.

Edward swallowed. He looked up at Carlisle. "It's too _dangerous_," he said through gritted teeth.

"I think we've seen about the extent of any potential danger," Carlisle shot back. "You tried it your way, and as far as I can tell, it's had disastrous results. Tell her."

"Tell me _what?"_

Edward sighed. "Bella, I…" He shook his head. "Bella."

He broke off. I waited. Carlisle cleared his throat.

Edward leaned forward and buried his face in his hands. Through his fingers, I could just make out his words, although I didn't dare believe them. "I do love you," I thought he said.

I gaped. "W… what?"

"I'm sorry," he said.

"I don't understand," I said. "You left… I thought… why would you…?"

He sat up and looked at the ceiling. "You never understood, did you?" he said. "You aren't safe with me. I did what I had to do to protect you."

"Protect…?"

"After what happened with Jasper… We aren't perfect, Bella. None of us is. I saw what he could do to you—what he _would_ have done to you—and I couldn't put you at that kind of risk. You are…" He hung his head. "You are too precious to me."

"That's what Emmett wanted to tell me?" I said.

Edward nodded.

I knew my mouth was hanging open, but somehow I couldn't find the muscles that would close it. Edward wasn't making any sense. I looked to Carlisle.

"He told us you left him," said Carlisle. He shot a sideways glare at Edward, who made a weak noise. "None of us could believe it, but he was just so miserable… But when Alice saw you jump, that was the first indication. By the time I found out, of course, Edward was long gone." He turned to Edward again. "Which brings us to part two," he said in the almost-growl. "What the _hell_ did you think you were doing, running to the Volturi?"

Edward winced.

"If what Alice tells me is true, even after they denied your request the first time, you were ready to expose yourself to a city full of humans? You were going to _make_ them kill you? _Do you have any idea what the ramifications of that would have been?"_

Edward was staring very hard at the carpet.

"I'll tell you," said Carlisle. "They would have killed you, then they would have found us, they would have found out about Bella, and they would have killed us all. You _know_ the danger Bella is in just by knowing about us! You say you left Bella to keep her safe, but the first chance you get, you run to the very people who pose the biggest threat to her, and you garner us _and_ her international attention! _Idiot!"_

"I thought she was dead," said Edward in a small voice.

"That doesn't change a damn thing," said Carlisle. "What about your family? After the Volturi did away with you, where do you think they were going to go next? A suicidal vampire means the coven is doing something wrong. That's _us_, Edward, or did you forget?

"And _Alice!_ Your antics put her in the worst kind of danger. Jasper has been beside himself with worry."

"I didn't… I didn't think…"

"That is obvious to me," said Carlisle. "And it's not the first time a rash decision on your part has gotten you into trouble. You were almost killed, Edward. You would be _dead_ right now, and Alice and Bella almost certainly would be, too. Only because you couldn't rein yourself in for a minute and examine the situation. If they had been _fifteen seconds_ later…"

Edward looked miserable. I wanted to go to him, comfort him, but now that I had the full story, I started to agree with what Carlisle was saying. Even if I _had_ been dead, the rest of the Cullens would have been in a world of trouble with these Volturi for keeping me alive as long as they had. Who else might I have told? The easiest way to repair the damage my knowledge had caused would have been to exterminate the entire Cullen clan—and then, most probably, to go after _my_ connections. Charlie… A squeak escaped my throat. "Mom," I heard myself mumble.

The vampires looked at me, and Edward looked on the verge of tears—if he had had any to shed. "Oh, Bella…"

Carlisle bent down and jabbed a finger in his face. "You are going to apologize to everyone you've hurt with your actions," he said. "Then you are going to take Bella home, and then you're going to come back here, and you and I are going to finish our little talk." He paused to fix his son with a good hard look. "Do I make myself clear?"

Edward's voice was so soft I could barely hear it. "Yes, sir."

There was a heavy silence. Then Carlisle heaved a sigh. He put his hands on Edward's shoulders and leaned forward, his head drooping. "You had us all scared absolutely to death," he said. The frightening edge was gone from his voice, and he sounded tired again. Worried. "I don't know what I would ever do if I were to lose you. I know you felt for Bella. I know _how_ you felt. Believe me, I understand. But, Edward, if you had gone through with your plan, you would have done exactly the same thing to the rest of us.

"Esme and your brothers and sisters and I… we all care for you more than you can imagine. It would have destroyed us all to see you dead." Carlisle ran a hand through his son's hair. "Can you understand that?"

Edward nodded slowly. "I'm sorry," he breathed. "Dad… I'm really sorry. I just didn't think about… what would happen… about _anything_. I thought Bella was dead, and that was… it was too much for me to bear. I told myself I wouldn't live without her. I couldn't. I just… I'm sorry."

Carlisle pointed at me. "We'll talk more later," he said. "Right now, you need to talk to Bella."

Edward nodded, and Carlisle left the room. He touched my shoulder as he passed.

Alone in the huge living room, neither of us spoke for a minute. I didn't know what to say. I was overjoyed to have him back. At the same time, I felt betrayed. He had lied to me so easily…

Edward stood up. He pulled an ottoman over and sat facing me. I didn't meet his eyes.

"Bella." His voice was sincere. "I just wanted you to know that the time we've been apart has been the hardest four months of my life."

I set my jaw but waited for him to continue. When he didn't, I said, "Hard? It's been _hard?"_

"More than I could have ever imagined."

"Edward…!" I couldn't believe it. "Edward, _you_ left _me_. You told me you didn't love me anymore. Remember?"

"Of course I do," he said. "And it tears me apart just to think about it."

I matched his gaze. "At least _I_ still loved _you_. You had the power to return whenever you wanted."

"I couldn't do that, Bella. It would have been—"

"I _know_ why you didn't," I said, "but the point is that you could have. You knew I would take you back because you knew I still loved you. I didn't have that option. You left me alone to feel miserable and empty, and no matter how unbearable it got for me, I could never come after you. So don't tell me it was hard for _you_. You have _no idea_ the hell I've been through."

He stared at me for the longest time. Then he lifted a hand and ran a thumb across my cheek. A tear. I was crying. I shivered at his cold touch and jerked away. I could wipe my own eyes.

"Bella," he said. "I'm so sorry."

"You lied to me," I said. "You lied so easily."

"It wasn't easy. It was—"

"The hardest four months of your life, I know." I drew a shuddering breath and forced the tears to stop. I looked at him. "Edward, I love you so much," I said. "I still do. I don't want to stop loving you, but I… I just don't know if I can trust you anymore."

"I did what I had to do to protect you."

I looked down. "You could have told me. You could have stayed in touch."

A pause. "You're right," he said. Then, "I'm sorry. I really am, Bella. I thought I knew what I was doing. I didn't, and I don't know what I can say except that I'm so truly sorry. I'll… I'll understand if you don't want me back."

He looked fiercely into my eyes for a second, and then he dropped his gaze. His hands had found mine—he was stroking them gently.

I took a deep breath. I reached out with both hands and held his head between them. The rest of his body may have been hard and cold as stone, but his hair was still softer than anything. I ran my fingers through it then moved my hands down to his face. He shuddered but stayed silent.

"Of course I want you back," I said gently. "Just promise me you'll never go and do something so stupid ever again."

His eyes met mine, and he smiled slowly. "I promise," he said. "Never again."

I swallowed hard, and then my resolve melted away. A smile burst forth, the tears flowed freely, and I threw my arms around his neck and held him, sobbing with joy. He moved so that we were both curled in the armchair, and we stayed that way for a long time.

I woke up in my own bed. Edward was standing over me, pushing the hair out of my face one strand at a time. "I fell asleep?"

He smiled. "You must be so tired. I forget…" He leaned down and kissed me. I held his face as he started to pull away, bringing him back, meeting his lips again and again. Finally, he put his hand on my mouth, and I opened my eyes.

"I have to go," he said. "Carlisle's waiting."

"Oh… I forgot." I frowned. "What does he want to talk about?"

Edward sighed. "I put so many lives at risk," he said. "I'm probably in huge trouble."

"In trouble?" I looked at him. "With _Carlisle?"_ It was probably a result of severe sleep-deprivation, because there shouldn't have been anything funny about that, but for some reason I suddenly started laughing uncontrollably.

Edward chose to look only mildly annoyed.

"S-sorry," I said when I could breathe. "It's just… I've never seen Carlisle so much as raise his voice to any of you. The thought of you being in _trouble_… I mean, what's he gonna do? Ground you?" I giggled. "You're like a _hundred years old_."

"Yeah, and he's over three hundred," said Edward. "I'm like a ten-year-old to him."

That made me start laughing all over again. "Maybe he'll _spank_ you," I said.

He rolled his eyes. "Likely."

I wiped at the tears beginning to pool on my cheeks. "Okay," I said, breathing deeply to control myself. "I'm sorry. Go ahead."

He leaned over me, concerned. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I said. "I'm perfectly fine. I'm more than fine. I'm incredible. I'm _stupendous._ I'm—Oh, Edward… I have you _back."_

He hesitated, and then we were hugging again, and we were kissing, and I was on my back, and his hand was beside my shoulder, and his knee was between my legs…

I put a palm on his chest. "Go," I breathed. He kissed me. I pushed him gently. "Go home. Carlisle. Remember?"

"Bella…"

_"Go."_

He hovered over me another moment, and then his face broke into a smile more earnest and full of unadulterated glee than I had ever seen etched into his marble-sharp features.

"Good-bye, love," he said.

"See you tomorrow," I said.

"Yes," said Edward. "Tomorrow."

And he slipped out the window faster than I could follow with my eyes. It stung my heart to see him go, but I had endured far worse than this in the previous months. As I curled up under the blankets, I realized that this was the first time in a long time I had fallen asleep in my own bed feeling safe, secure… and loved.


End file.
